Jordan Peterson's Best Relationship Advice

Tips on how to have successful long-term romantic relationships and raise kids.

Jordan Peterson's Best Relationship Advice
The Kiss (1908) by Gustav Klimt

Key Takeaways

  • What predicts relationship longevity? If a relationship has less than 5:1 positive to negative interactions, the relationship ends—too negative. If it’s higher than 11:1, the relationship ends—usually means that problems are being pushed under the rug until they explode.
  • In relationships, think: how can I become the best possible partner? Don’t think: how do I find the person that’s right for me? Because answering question 1 is the answer to question 2.
  • Nothing about sex is casual.
  • Asking someone for a favor is the fastest way to make a connection. It allows them to establish themselves as a trustworthy person and they can call upon you for a favor later.
  • The older you get (if you have any sense at all), the more important your family is to you.
  • It’s a real mistake not to have kids. It’s a barren future without them.
  • It’s very rare for a woman at the age of 30 to not have having a child as her primary desire. The exceptions usually have a very twisted world view. There are a small minority of masculine, disagreeable, not maternal women who really do not want to have children.
  • The only chance you have at a “perfect” relationship is with your kids.
  • People want a romantic partner who will push them to be their best over multiple decades. That’s why people who are too nice are unattractive. You want someone who will judge you for your limitations and push you to be better. You don’t want someone who thinks you’re perfect as you are.
  • The purpose of being a parent for young children is to make sure they’re exceptionally socially desirable by the age of 4.
  • All you have to do is pay attention to a kid to get them to like you.
  • Don’t agree to anything you don’t actually agree with. If you always agree even when you disagree, over time you will become resentful.
  • When you negotiate, let both parties sleep on it before agreeing.
  • Have weekly meetings where you divide chores, negotiate, and hash out differences. Probably good for all romantic relationships and housemates.
  • 2 things for long-term couples to have a good relationship: (1) Spend 90 minutes a week talking about your lives—how the house is run and what you’ve been doing (non-romantic talk). This keeps their stories caught up. (2) Go on 1-2 dates a week.
  • As a parent, you have a moral obligation to encourage your child to go out into the world and be all that they can be.