First, find what your purpose or meaning in life is. Second, write down your core values and compare them with your partner. Third, set your expectations and needs. Finally, develop a list of boundaries and share them with your partner.
Step 1: Finding your purpose
What feels like play to you but work to others?
It is essential to figure this out. People without a purpose always have bad relationships.
- What were you naturally good at as a kid?
- What do you spend most of your time on today?
- Do you like what you study in college?
- Do you like what you do at work?
- Can you scale it with YouTube, Twitter, books, blogs, or podcasts?
Out of your list, which makes the most money? That is your purpose. Your purpose can change and develop over time.
Step 2: Compatibility
What are your core values?
You need to answer truthfully. And you need to verify that your partner answered truthfully by paying attention to their actions (rather than words). Ex) Just because you wrote down 'truth' as a core value doesn't mean you actually value the truth and don't lie. Don't overlook it when you hear someone tell a lie.
- Is truth a core value?
- Personal development (do you work on health, knowledge, relationships, and wealth every day)?
- Prioritize health (do you never miss a workout)?
- Prioritize knowledge (do you read voraciously)?
- Family (relationships) focused or work (wealth) focused?
- Democrat or republican or moderate?
- Conservative or liberal (not politics)?
- Religious or atheist?
- Introvert or extrovert?
- Communication style: direct or sugar-coated?
Compare lists after you have completed them.
Step 3: Expectations
Everyone has expectations of others, some people just don’t admit it. You likely have the expectation, for instance, that your partner doesn't become a heroin addict.
What do you expect the other person to do?
It could be anything from cooking to taking care of their health to picking up the kids from school to reading 10 books a year to making a certain amount of income.
Then show your partner your list and negotiate.
Step 4: Avoid problems
What are your boundaries?
You have to develop your own list but these are a good place to start:
Give your list to your partner once you complete it. If your boundaries are crossed once, you need to inform your partner. If they're crossed again, you end the relationship. Note: There are some boundaries that, if broken, you end the relationship immediately and you need to define what those are for you.